Family Mutiny

[Terry]

Pardon me for posting a non-mechanical problem but I'm troubled with what I'm sure is every family's boating challenge - "How to get the family to go sailing more often."  We live in Wisconsin so sailing is a little less than a 6 month sport - hence, every day counts.

My wife, 3 children (Boy - 11, Girl - 8 and Boy - 3) and I live 90 minutes from our boat in a resort marina that has, among other things, an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a whirlpool, a childrens pool and a playground.  I am not happy unless I'm on the boat every weekend.  Getting my family to go with me has been difficult and to the point now where they are scheduling other things to do on a weekend.  I started off the summer setting my foot down and getting mad when we had conflicts but the reality is weekends on the boat when I force it on them aren't fun.  I chose the "resort" so they would be more cooperative but after a few years, they are losing interest.  Three years ago we purchased a 34' so we'd have more room and staying weekends wouldn't be so uncomfortable (we had a 27').

Sailing is my passion and my family doesn't share it.  A few weekends this summer I went sailing with my two sons only - since they wanted to go and my wife and daughter didn't.  But now my two sons are not interested.  Truth be told - the 11 year old just wanted to get away from his sister and the 3 year old wanted to be with us.

Racing isn't very exciting for me but that is a thought I've had.  It would get me sailing with others who share the passion.  I've always reserved the weekends for family but I'm considering changing that if I can't be up on the lake.  Selling the boat and chartering a boat for a couple of weeks has also crossed my mind.

I'm a subscriber to Cruising World and read about families who have sailed around the world.  I don't know if that is my cup of tea but some coastal cruising is probably a strong reality when I retire.  And while my wife says this sounds like fun, the reality is she easily finds other things to do now so I don't think coastal cruising is for her.

Someone out there must have been in my shoes and either has found a compromise or knows when this will turn around.  Thoughts???

[tandm]

I have encounter similar resistance from my family over the years.  When my wife and I were first married, we sailed almost every weekend during the summer.  Over the years my crew has deserted me.  My older children are grown and on their own, my youngest is in full blown adolescence and my wife seem to always have something else that she needs to do.  

Mostly out of necessity but also because I appreciate a challenge, I have taken up single-handed sailing.  Although I still enjoy the company of my family on the boat, I can honestly say that I prefer single-handing. Handling a 34 foot boat by oneself is not for everyone but it is not that difficult.  Mostly it requires a little more planning before executing each maneuver and maybe a few rigging changes.  My biggest challenge is parking the boat in a narrow slip while being set of by a breeze and current with no one on the dock or deck to assist. Intense but doable.

I do not pretend that single-handing is for everyone but since I have taken it up, I sail on average 70+ days a year while still working full time in the tech. industry. I am sure there are many other ways to get more time on the water but this one has work well for me.

td
Peregrine #543

[SteveLyle]

Here's some thoughts, for what they're worth...

- My experience is that if there isn't something 'in it' for them, my family won't go for it.  Meanwhile you've got to minimize the negatives.  My wife will cruise with me, but there's got to be some comforts (which explains my current project to get the darn shower fixed).  She likes the social aspects, so we invite friends sailing.  She likes time with us alone so we do leave the boys behind plenty.  She doesn't like to heel too much so we reef early.

- Are you asking them what they like/dislike about sailing?

- If it's just going to be you going fwd then either move the boat so it's closer to home, or move to a smaller boat that you can use closer to home.  Makes weekday sailing more possible, your wife may be more willing to do that than chew up a weekend on the boat.  Weekday racing is another possibility so you could get your 'fix' in with minimum impact on family time.

- Or just suspend sailing for a while.  My sons are 20 and 22, and when they were 8 and 10 it seemed like they'd never grow up.  But they do, which is an experience at least as interesting and fulfilling as sailing.  And then there's more time for your interests.

[Ted Pounds]

Terry,

I have the same problem just south of you (Molly Rose is at North Point Marina in Winthrop Harbor).  My boys (12) are into hockey and golf and my girl rides horses.  I joined the yacht club a couple of years ago and that has helped.  We started doing some of the club races and that has gotten the interest of my boys.  They're usually there every Wed. night.  I also did the club cruise to Saugatuck with just my boys and their friend.  It was a great adventure and they really enjoyed it.  I think one key with the kids is to get them out there with friends.  They enjoy showing off the boat and they just have more fun being with someone their age that they can relate to.  Another idea: a few years ago we started donating a cruise to our annual church auction.  It rasies a bunch of money for the church (trips go for about a grand!) and it's another excuse to get out and sail.  My wife has to come along as it's a dinner cruise that involves entertaining the guests.  Bringing friends and relatives (mostly my wife's) helps get her out sailing also.  I also have to deal with the dog we got a year ago (not my idea).  Fortunately North Point is pet friendly and we have friends there who also have dogs.  The boys also got into fishing which helps too.  Lastly i also sometimes go the solo route; it can be very relaxing.  (In the photo on the website gallery I'm sailing alone)  I guess the bottom line is you have to be creative and flexible.  Good luck.

Ted

[Terry]

Any special set up required (or suggested) for single-handling??  I am considering moving to a bigger lake, doing single handling and finding a different crew for some of the days.  So, selling is out of the question at this time - whew!!

[john daley]

I go out quite a bit on my own and enjoy it a lot. I'm careful with picking the weather and I really appreciate my auto pilot (ST4000). The main thing is prethinking every manouvre. The auto pilot is of course your other crewmember for dealing with sails etc. Reversing into the marina berth is the biggest challenge if there is a blow on, but one can always nose in if it all gets too hard. Good luck.

[RICK BERMANN]

I SAIL SINGLEHANDED ALL THE TIME. ALL THE LINES ARE ROUTED BACK TO THE COCKPIT AND THE AUTOHELM 4OOO WORKS VERY WELL IN AUTOMATICALLY TACKING. DOCKING IS THE TRICKEST MANEUVER. I HAVE INSTALLED A "Y" SHAPED ROPE SYSTEM THAT SORT OF CRADLES THE BOAT IN THE CENTER OF THE SLIP WHILE I TIE OFF THE NORMAL DOCKING LINES. THE TOP OF THE Y GOES TO EACH OF THE STERN DOCK PILINGS WHILE THE BOTTOM OF THE Y GOES TO THE FRONT OF THE SLIP. WORKS GREAT!

[tandm]

I also find the auto pilot indispensable. I make long runs down Puget Sound so I like to use a whisker pole. I have the pole rigged like a spinnaker pole with fore and after guys.  I use the off side fore guy as a boom preventer and the number 2 jib halyard as a pole topping lift.  The fore and after guy arrangement allows me to simply furl the genoa when I want to jibe or in case of an emergency.  Lazy Jacks help when its time to drop the main and reefing lines led to the cockpit save a trip to the mast in a blow. The PO set the boat up for jack lines but I don't use them because I lack a harness and lanyard... something I plan to add before I venture out to far.  As far as docking goes, I carry an extra long (35 ft.) bow line so I can step from the cockpit onto the dock with both lines in hand. The Y shaped capture arrangement sounds like a good idea.  If I had mooring pilings on both sides of my boat, I would try it.

td
Peregrine #543

[Ted Pounds]

I find docking to be the trickiest part.  I always go in bow first, as do all the sailboats in my marina (about 350 of them)  Most of us rely on a good spring-line led from a midships cleat.  Mine has a loop on the dock end at a pre-set length.  Once that gets looped over a cleat at the end of the dock you can control the boat from the cockpit using a forward gear to keep pressure on the spring line and rudder to keep the stern in.  Or if you're quick you can tie off the stern and bow lines  (a long bow line does help a lot).  The spring line saves you from worrying about crashing the bow into the end of the slip.  Also I've found single handing without an autopilot works if the the conditions aren't too harsh.  The wheel brake will hold course long enough for me to make nescessary sail adjustments.

ted

[tandm]

I have a pole attached to Peregrine's finger pier.  It has a horizontal arm that extends to just past the side of the pier with a cleated dock line loop around it. As I slide into the slip I can reach out and grab the line and drop it over the midships cleat.  Because I only have about 2 ft. between my boat and my slip mate, I really only get one shot at setting an aft leading spring line when the boat is being set off.  Because the arrangement is new and I haven't decided if I like it, I didn't mention it in my previous post. I do agree that the aft leading spring line is the best way to control the boat with or without a crew.

td
Peregrine #543

[reedbr]

Somebody touched on it, but I'll bring it up again-- small boats.  Two 14' Lasers (or 420's or Sunfishes or Escapes...) can be as much funs as big boat cruising.  Less costly and time consuming too.  I was brought up on cruising boats and then discovered small boats.  I had some of my best times running up and down lakes with a friend in dueling catamarans.  

I stopped getting Cruising World.  I got sick of feeling inadequate.  Let's be honest, my wife and my three kids aren't sailing to Tahiti...ever.  Most aren't.

As a family, we have settled into 50% of the summer weekends being sailing weekends.  For now they like it.  The less I push, the better it is for all of us (although I would prefer 75%-- oh well). Later on maybe I'll be hosed, but for now we have family peace at 50%.  I would trade down to Dyer Dow's to stay on the water though.

Good luck.

[pklein]

I got a great tip at the Strictly Sail show a few years ago and wish to pass it on.

"If you ever had any doubt about how well the autopilot can sail the boat away, fall overboard and watch your boat go merrily on its way.  Therefore, when single handling with the autopilot engaged, always, repeat always wear your life jacket!"

Phill Klein
Andiamo #977
Montrose Harbor - Chicago

[Stu Jackson]

The original thread of this question seems to have shifted to a completely different topic.

Oh well, been away on the boat for four days, so what the heck!